Muireann
IRELAND
ACADEMIC, UNIVERSITY OF EXETER
IRISH PARTNER
MOTHER OF TWO BOYS (AGED 9 AND 6)
My partner and I live five hours apart by public transport. I live and work in Exeter with our two children. He works in Cambridge, commuting weekly between both cities. For both our sons, for many reasons including my desire to exclusively breastfeed, I wish I could have taken a full year’s maternity leave, but this wasn’t feasible then. Additionally, both births were traumatic. When my second son, who was born prematurely, was six months old, I started six months’ research leave during which I intended to complete my second academic book. I failed. My failure frustrated me in a way I’d never experienced before: I couldn’t do the work I was trained to do and on which I thrived. My partner couldn’t at that time take parental leave to share childcare; l couldn’t afford to extend my maternity leave; neither child was happy at nursery so we reduced them to half-days – further complicating my working day.
Both motherhood and my career are immensely rewarding, even mutually enriching (motherhood has directly inspired several of my academic projects). But when they conflict, I blame myself and everyone around me. We need more channels for exploring the frustration and emotional damage that can accompany working motherhood.
